


Even If We Can't Find Heaven

by NinjaGrapeTurtle



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Asexual Raphael Santiago, Bisexual Isabelle Lightwood, Child Abuse, F/F, F/M, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Lesbian Clary Fray, M/M, Pansexual Simon Lewis, Protective Jocelyn Fray, Protective Luke Garroway, Protective Magnus Bane, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-15 01:45:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13602978
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinjaGrapeTurtle/pseuds/NinjaGrapeTurtle
Summary: Soulmates are a very precious thing and once their name appears on your arm, it's supposed to be one of the best moments of your life. Not for Alec Lightwood, however. When the name of Alec's soulmate appears, kicks into gear a series of nightmarish events for him. After being disowned by his parents, he is taken in and raised by Jocelyn and Luke.





	Even If We Can't Find Heaven

**Author's Note:**

> So this is my first time writing in a LONG time. I hope you guys like this but please feel free to leave constructive criticism!! It helps me become a better writer and gives me ideas on what to do!

The blood-red setting sun cast an eerie glow on the New York Institue as night began to settle in Manhattan. The evening light settling over the old and monstrous structure gave it an almost haunting appearance. 

Ten-year-old Alec Lightwood felt tears of frustration cascade down his pale cheeks as he scrubbed furiously at his arm. The name 'Ramelan' was inscribed permanently into his skin. The name of his soulmate had appeared and this should have been a celebrated occasion. This event only scared the young Shadowhunter. Not because it had appeared early but because of what it meant. 

It had started this morning when Alec had woken up before dawn as usual. He stopped by his sister Isabelle's room to check on her. She had gotten a cold earlier in the week and his parents had been out of town for the past month, leaving him in charge of Isabelle and Jace. A job he took very seriously, especially when his little sister or best friend was sick. After making sure the eight-year-old girl was still sleeping peacefully, Alec made his way over to Jace's room. 

The ten-year-old rolled his eyes when he looked in and saw Jace sprawled about and still sleeping. His legs were still stretched out on the bed and his torso and arms were flung over the side, his golden hair barely brushing the floor. Alec flicked on the light switch in the room hoping the sudden brightness would wake up his best friend. It was to no avail. Sighing and pinching the bridge of his nose, Alec stepped further into the room. 

"Jace. Wake up. We have weapons training with Hodge this morning. Remember? Come on, Golden Boy." He poked the nine-year-old on the chest repeatedly as he talked but still received no response. Time for Plan B. Alec leaned forward and yanked the pillow resting at the younger boy's back out from under him. The force of the pillow being moved cause Jace to go toppling the rest of the way to the floor, headfirst. 

The second Jace's body collided with the floor, his eyes snapped open and he let loose a shriek. Alec smirked down at the younger shadowhunter and started chuckling at the state he was in. 

Once Jace had gotten a hold of himself he turned to glare up at Alec. He reached around for the first thing that he could throw at him which happened to be a pillow. "Was that really necessary, Alexander Gideon?"

Still chuckling, Alec replied, "Yes, it was, Jonathan Christopher." He easily dodged the pillow that his friend had lazily thrown at him. "Come on, Jace. We have to be at training with Hodge in just a few minutes."

Jace groaned and rolled his eyes as he willed himself to get up. "I was hoping that you two would forget about that. Come on, Alec! Can't we just take a day to relax? Maryse and Robert aren't here. They won't know."

"You know very well that they would find out. They're Maryse and Robert. Nothing goes on at the New York Institute without them finding out." Ale

They walked down to the training room for their early morning session with Hodge. 

"Morning, gentlemen." Hodge waved to Alec and Jace as they wandered into the room.

Alec nodded politely at his tutor and replied back. "Good morning, Mr. Starkweather."

Jace, still trying to wake up, only grunted a response.

The older Shadowhunter rolled his eyes at the kid. "Alec! How many times do I have to tell you? When Maryse and Robert aren't here, you do not have to be so formal! Friends aren't formal with each other." He bent down so he was at the kid's eye level. "And we are friends, aren't we?"

Alec gave a small smile to Hodge and nodded. "Sorry... Mr. Hodge." He added the last part rather cheekily as he walked over to the weapons to get his bow and arrow.

Jace snorted as he began sparring by himself.

Hodge only laughed as he trailed behind his student. "I know you are your parents' son but with cheekiness like that, there may just be hope for you yet, kid."

The three settled into their normal morning training routine for the next couple of hours. It was when Hodge was adjusting Alec's fighting stance that he noticed the barely visible name that was beginning to appear on the ten-year old's arm. 

"Hey, kid! Looks like the name of your soulmate is starting to show. Congratulations."

Jace glanced over at them curiously when he heard that and walked over to see.

Alec glanced down at his arm curiously for a moment before staring up at his tutor with an impassive look. 

"Is this supposed to be a good thing? I'm only ten years old. And, as a Shadowhutner, I don't have time for trivial things like soulmates or love. I have a duty to the institute and to Isabelle and Jace and the rest of my family. Plus, there are rules. Just because it's your soulmate does not mean that they will be a Shadowhunter. They could be a Mundane or a Downworlder. The Clave would not be too happy about that."

Hodge rolled his eyes. "Yup. You really are your parents' kid. You sound just like Maryse."

"Hey!" Alec looked a little offended at that as he glared up at his tutor.

"What? You like your parents." Hodge said incredulously.

"Yes, but you don't," Alec replied in a deadpan voice.

Hodge just laughed as he ruffled the kid's hair. Jace rolled his eyes at the two as he continued to look at his best friend's arm. 

"I wonder who she is," Jace said aloud as he looked up. "It's worth looking into instead of just dismissing it."

Alec arched an eyebrow at the younger boy. "Why don't we focus more on finding your soulmate huh and less on mine?"

Jace waved his blank arm around in exasperation. "That would involve actually having a name to go off of, Alexander Gideon."

Alec rolled his eyes and turned back to Hodge. "Alright, back to training, Jonathan Christopher."

Jace chuckled when a red tint began to paint his friend's cheeks.

An hour later, the two boys made their way to their rooms to shower and change out of their sweaty clothes before heading to the kitchen for breakfast. 

After Alec was ready, he went to check on Isabelle again. He knocked on the eight-year-old's door and peeked inside to see his sister getting ready for the day. She looked up and smiled at him.

"Good morning, big brother. I was just about to head down to breakfast."

Alec smiled at his sister as she walked towards him and out of the room. He hugged her to his side before placing a hand on her forehead to check her temperature. Alec frowned a little as he felt how hot his little sister's fever still was. 

Isabelle sighed and removed Alec's hand. "I'm fine, Alec. Really. I didn't cough at all last night and the fever has gone down." She smiled comfortingly at her brother. "I'm fine. I'll be back to kicking your ass in training in no time."

Alec frowned at his sister as she cursed. "Isabelle Sophia Lightwood. If mom were here, she would tell you to watch your language." The eldest Lightwood folded his arms over his chest. 

"But mom's not here," Isabelle smirked up at her brother as she began walking towards the kitchen. 

Alec tried to remain stern as he walked beside his sister but he couldn't and he started to chuckle. Isabelle chuckled as well as she slid her arm through her brother's and they both walked into the kitchen where Jace was already eating an apple. 

Isabelle walked over to Jace and gave him a hug before walking over to pour some juice for herself and grabbing an apple as well. Alec hung back for a moment, to make sure that both of his siblings got enough to eat before he himself grabbed some toast and fruit. 

As they were eating, Jace looked over at Isabelle. "So did Alec tell you?"

The young girl looked up, confused. "Tell me what?"

Alec felt just as confused. 

Jace pointed at Alec's right arm where the barely there name was showing and Alec realized that he had completely forgotten about it. 

"The name of Alec's soulmate began to appear." 

Isabelle's eyes widened as she snapped her eyes over to look at Alec's arm and saw the name, 'Ramelan' barely there. The eight-year-old squealed as she grabbed her brother's hand to bring his arms closer to have a better look.

"Alec! That's amazing! I wonder who she is? Do you have any idea? Ramelan, huh? That's definitely not an English name but I wonder what country of origin that it's from? Oh! We need to find out!"

Both boys looked at Isabelle like she had sprouted another head as she kept talking. 

"Isabelle, calm down", Alec said as he placed a hand on his sister's shoulder. "It's not that big of a deal. I'm only ten. I don't have time to think about things like this right now."

Isabelle only groaned at that. "Alec, come on! Don't be like that. That's Mom and Dad talking and they are not here right now. Plus, you know that you're curious."

Alec slowly retracted his arm from his little sister and grumbled into the glass of juice that he had poured himself. 

"It wouldn't hurt to at least research the origin of her name. Just to see." Jace commented as he threw his apple core into the garbage. 

Alec glanced up at his best friend and shrugged. "It's just a name. It's just a person." He got up and walked out of the kitchen and towards his room. The further he walked, however, the more he began to ponder. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to try and research a little. See if he could pinpoint where his soulmate was or at least a little more about them and their culture. Not that he cared. 

Alec changed course and made his way towards the library. He walked into the magnificent room and looked around, wondering where to begin and eventually figuring that looking for where the name came from exactly was one way to do things. 

Alec spent a couple of hours looking around before discovering something that made his blood run cold. The name on his arm, Ramlean, was of Indonesian origin but that's not what scared him. It was a boy's name. Another boy. His soulmate was another boy. 

This... this wasn't supposed to happen. He was supposed to be with a girl. Forget the fact that his soulmate was supposedly a boy, what if they weren't a Shadowhutner? 

Alec felt his face begin to heat with shame. His parents would be so disappointed. The Clave would not stand for this. Soulmates or not, they frowned on homosexuality. To them, it wasn't normal or right. Two men or two women could have children together and keep the bloodlines strong and running. This couldn't be happening. He had to hide this. 

He couldn't let them find out about this. He had to get rid of the name showing on his arm. That was how Alec found himself in his room trying to desperately scrub at the name on his skin with tears cascading down his face. 

"No. No, no, no, no..." Alec sighed shakily as he stared at the name still on his arm. He had half expected the name to come off. He'd expected this all to be some crazy nightmare and that he would have woken up by now. He'd expected a lot of things. He hadn't expected the name to not go away. To just stay there like a beacon to the Clave and his parents, mocking him. 

Alec groaned and ran his hands through his hair as he slid down to the floor. "What am I going to do?" He whispered to himself. "What am I going to do?"


End file.
